Have you ever wondered situations like whether to do or not to do ? A state of being confused in between whether to help out or not. The exact situation from which I have gone through a day before in my last journey to Bijepur. I was going with my family to attend my nephew's *Annaprashana*. It was raining heavily outside. It was like the raindrops were addressing their violence while crashing with my front mirror. I could feel the pressure of the scattering raindrops. It made me feel like an alarm to our society that how brutal *Nature* itself could be. Still I was driving patiently ignoring all these things. But the heavy rainfalls were heightening my poor visibility. I was a little bit hurry this time because I had to return in 3 to 4 hours.
Thousands of thoughts were spontaneously arising in my mind. Each of the second I was drawing out with various aspects whether regarding the current *Pandemic* ,the possibility of *Indo-China War* or the ongoing difficulties in our current academic session. Suddenly I had noticed through my mirror that a newly married couple were coming from the opposite direction. I could see their stand was not folded. They might have forgotten to hold it up. They were quite busy in their conversation. I had started looking them intentionally to warn & suggest them to pick it up. But I couldn't make it fast to express them. I remained silent. I couldn't inform them. Gradually they passed by & I lost the chance.
It was a regular kind of incident. Again somehow I maintained myself to engage in my own thoughts. We reached there, celebrated the function & made a comeback. It was about 3 K.M away from my home, we saw a mass gathering on the road. it was seeming like an accident that had taken place in just few hours. I tried my best to pick up an alternate way to get rid out of that traffic. But because of the narrow space my car did not make way to move forward. The only thing I could do was to wait. So I came out of my car & went near them to see what had actually happened. After watching those dead bodies I was terribly moved. The couple met before some hours were lying dead on the road covered with blood. One of them was beheaded and the head was placed 200 meters far away from that spot. I ran towards my family & started vomiting. That bloodshed image reminded me everything that I had whishpered inside. The local people were saying that the unfolded stand was the only reason for their accident. Those lines were revolving in my ears for hours. I was speechless. I had started blaming myself for their death. I don't know why I got nervous to inform them about their ignorance.
I am narrating this only because I believe in the ideology "writing can reduce pains". This incident is dragging my conscience to few years back when I was in my school days. My summer vacation was going on. I was going to Padampur & in the midway I realised that my pockets were empty. I was starving badly for that long journey. But I had my debit card in my bag. So I went to a nearby ATM to collect cash. In that place I met an old man who was looking uncomfortable with that ATM machine. I couldn't make myself enough confident to ask him regarding his problems. At once I felt like I need to give him a favour but the shortage of time didn’t allow me to do so. After three hours I made a comeback. It was 3 P.M. At the same place, near that ATM, I noticed a group of people. I went there to check in. Unfortunately it was that old man whom I ignored few hours ago. The loo in summer was the reason, he died. People were whishpering that heatstroke was the reason behind his death. But deep down I knew that I was the only reason behind his death because if I had wished I could make him to go home by solving his problem. He wouldn't have to hit by sunstroke. I went my home & cried for hours. I can never forget that incident. Till now that old man used to come in my dreams , urging me a favour to collect his cash.
Seriously, I'm still unknown of the fact behind this scrupulousness. Can it be called just a hesitation or a mere selfishness ?
By- Abhash kumar Sahu